If You Can’t Afford to Come to VCU Brandcenter Here’s a Way to Learn How to Make Great Ads at Home.

It’s not as hard to put together a portfolio of good advertising as people think it is.

Here’s a trick that might help you.

Go home and watch the commercials that come on TV.

Study what happens in each ad.

What’s said, what’s shown, what the song is, who the star is they get to talk in it.

Then do the exact opposite of what you see.

If a commercial comes on saying something inanely stupid about a product you write a script in which something not inanely stupid is said about the product.

If a commercial comes on that takes 30 seconds to say something everybody already knows, you write a script that says something nobody knows about the product.

Something this simple might not work in every field.

I’m doubtful you can get a job as a plumber by making what’s in the toilet shoot up in the air from the bowl when you press a lever.

But it works in advertising.

With 99 out of every hundred ads being a certifiable piece of crap you’ll have enough material after just a couple nights to put together a pretty thick portfolio.

Just do the opposite of everything you see.

Later dudes.

Catch you in the award books.

The Number One Most Important Secret Trick to Making Great Ads Can Be Learned by Cooking Catfish for Breakfast.

Dear Students,

To make ads is boring silly work.

I won’t teach it.

If you want to make great ads.

That’s different.

Here’s what you do.


Get a cast iron skillet.

The one I use is nearly as old as I am. (we pass along cooking instruments in our family, not art or real estate)

Heat the shit out of the skillet.

Put two catfish fillets in. (marinate them in something that has the words Cajun and spicy on the label first)

You’ll hear a popping sound when they hit the hot metal because you took my advice on how hot to let the skillet get.

Now, here comes the secret number one most important trick that you’ve endured the reading of this recipe for:

Forget that you’re cooking.

Go into another room. Read the paper. Do the crossword.

The amount of smoke created in blackening catfish will tempt you, if you stand there watching it, to pull the pan off the fire before perfection has been created because you will think Gadzooks, this is not what a kitchen should look like, this is not what cooking looks like on tv.

In the same way, when you are making a great ad, the distance your mind will deviate from what seems like advertising will scare you.

Don’t give in.

Erase from your mind the thought that you are making an ad.

Even when the smoke alarm goes off don’t pull your pan from the fire.

Great ads are like great breakfasts.

They’re different from what normal people make.

Every Company Has a Problem They Are Pretending Isn’t a Problem. That’s the Problem to Go After.

Aim at that problem with the advertising you create.
The client will fight you. He wants a problem addressed that he thinks is not his fault or a weakness in his product.
The agency planners will fight you. They want the problem addressed that the client told them was the problem.
The sales managers will fight you. They have taught themselves that the words “sale” and “lowest price anywhere” must figure prominently in everything.
The audience will say (but not out loud) “finally”.


Sleep is the Most Intelligent Act a Student Can Perform After Midnight.

Dear Students,

It’s considered macho to stay up all night to finish a project.

I’ve done it.

And stood there first in line at the coffee shop at dawn certain that I’d done something cooler & harder & more valuable than what regular people had done that night.

But now I see it differently.

Now I have enough distance from the work and the situations they arose from.

To tell you it’s false.

Yes, staying up all night to work can result in your having something to turn in if you didn’t do any work up till that point.

But that’s not a victory.

It’s a defeat.

Because the goal of a superlative ad maker isn’t to get ads done.

It’s to get great ads done.

Staying awake when you need sleep makes your brain slow down.

Causing it to not make as many connections as it would at full power.

Or to access as many or widely separated cells as it would have if rested.

Which means you think s l o w e r.

About less.

And perceive its value through the gauze of “decreased bandwidth”.

It’s hard to be great.

Don’t go about trying to get there with only half a brain.


When you wake up, 10 minutes of the real you will get you further than hours spent with the gerbil cages of your mind only pretending to whirl.




In an Age of Puffery the Pinprick is King.

Dear Students,

Boil everything down.

When you have removed every impurity from the client’s product claims and research insights and social media hoopla and sales manager excitedness what you have may be small. Infinitesimal even.

Let it be. The size of truth is no predictor of its power.

Make that truth your client’s story.

Build your campaign on nothing else.

We live inside a hurricane of promotion and flimflam.

Something to hold on to that is immovable need not be large to be potent.

A short sermon can carry a lot of God.

Don’t work late at the office.

Dear Graduates,
Working late makes it look like you’re trying.
You don’t want to look like you’re trying.
Trying counts against you, not for you.
When you look like you’re trying it suggests to those watching that what you’re doing may be as much as you can handle.
It takes a lot of work to be great.
But don’t let people see you do it.
Go home.
Go to a diner.
Get out of the office.

Is Advertising Ready for Satire?

Dear Graduates,

There is room in admaking for far more than you’ve seen done.

I put before you today a tactic hardly anyone uses but which seems to me ripe for exploration.

–I’ve used it but couldn’t sell the work. That means nothing, though. Many times I have tried approaches that weren’t wrong,  just out of sync with the times–

So I suggest it now. In these newer times. To younger & more brilliant minds.


The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices.

Is how the Oxford Dictionary puts it.

Also helpful is the American Heritage dictionary: A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit.

So many ads fail to touch us because they make no effort to reach us.

The real human us full of folly and vice.

Most ads stay too close to the brief.

Which is to say they stay too close to what the client wants said.

Which is BUY MORE.

The audience quickly identifies a voice that issues from a greedy wish to profit from the actions of others. And refuses to be either moved or listen further.

But they are moved by having what’s inside of them exposed. And they will lean in to listen when something they see unfairly held above them in the world is skewered.

Satire is great for this.

Because it gives you a chance to say out loud what the true problem is that your ad is about.

Let me give you two examples which differ from each other not only in tone but in format. They are not from advertising. Ads are a lousy place to look for inspirational help in making ads.

Jonathan Swift’s Modest Proposal that hunger in 18th Century Ireland be abated by the eating of children was probably the finest use ever of satire.  http://www.art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

It caused wonderful ruckus in its time.

The opening few paragraphs of Wikipedia’s entry on the essay describes it well. When it points out that “Much of its shock value derives from the fact that the first portion of the essay describes the plight of starving beggars in Ireland, so that the reader is unprepared for the surprise of Swift’s solution …” it sounds like it’s describing exactly what an admaker hopes to accomplish in an ad–shock value to draw in a reader, followed by an unpreparedness that allows what one says to the audience to accomplish the feat of surprise.

A second example is from a pop singer who mostly appeals to folks my age but whose work you would do well to examine:

Randy Newman.

He has had hit songs more famous, but this one, to me, is his best:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shpEiIjRXlQ

The way both Swift and Mr Newman are able to straight-facedly say what the audience knows they don’t mean is both powerful and unexpected.

But, better, it accomplishes what few communications from companies ever accomplish.

They treat the audience with respect.

They’re daring you not to get what they’re saying.

It is disarming to an audience when someone talking to them drives directly at their sore spot at top speed. And an audience disarmed is an audience not ducking out of the way.

It seems to me an admaker might be able to make work that satisfies by examining satire the way these two have used it.

No, you’re right, it won’t work for many clients.

Brave companies.

Or companies forced by falling sales to behave bravely.

Just a thought. Best of luck with it.

FOR PRACTICE: Write ten true statements about life and the project you’re working on. Let the statements get crazy if your mind takes you that way, or more truthful, or expand into other subject areas. Generally, by the end of a page of fast thinking I’ll have written something I wouldn’t have dared say. Which is a good place to start constructing satire. If nothing else, you’ll have a new view of the product.

Dear Public, We Think You Are Stupid. Yours Truly, Netflix and Google.

What makes most clients so bad at advertising isn’t that they’re cheap, or corrupt, or ignorant, or don’t pay attention, or have bad taste, or any of the other character defects we all of us share in.

What makes most clients so bad at advertising is a fundamental belief they seem to hold in common.

They think people are stupid.

It’s doubtful anyone has said this thought aloud. Folks smart enough to run a company are rarely inept enough to insult the family of man.

But how they act tells us how they think.

Out of a hundred thousand examples that rush to mind, let us examine merely the most recent.


… has run 16 times tonight (June 4th) during a 3-hour broadcast of the White Sox vs Dodgers baseball game I have been watching on MLB.com. (update: It has continued to run at virtually the same exact schedule for the last 12 days also)

The point of the commercial confuses me.

But that’s made irrelevant by what the companies’ choice to run the commercial this way suggests is in their minds about us, the audience.

What do you imagine I and the rest of the audience watching baseball think of Netflix and Google and Chrome after being importuned so repeatedly and so clumsily?


We are bored.

We are annoyed.

We have even gone beyond boredom and annoyance to remembering who it is that has so bored and annoyed us.

And a place has been created in our brains where the memory lives that the names Netflix and Google and Chrome go together with the kind of annoyance and boredom that cause anger.

It’s not news that the quality of advertising creative is down.

It’s not news that a ton of companies spend a great deal of money on advertising that makes them look foolish.

But these are two companies born in the 21st Century.

They’re not the packaged goods marketers that have treated us as if we’re imbeciles for 50 years.

These are the new guys coming at us with this crap.

Dear graduates.

What most clients need from you even more than the ads you can make is the sense you can make.

The truth you can tell them.

The attention you can get them to pay to the difference between what they are doing and what they think they are doing.

If they treat people as if they’re stupid, their business will not grow.

Does Apple treat people this way? Nike?

And in what direction have their sales been going?

All ads tell the audience who a company is and what that company thinks of them.

Even bad advertising works that way.