The Best Thing about Richmond, VA
Dear Students,
It’s midnight in your world.
Tomorrow, Saturday Nov. 4th, is the Brunswick Stew Festival in Richmond, VA.
Right now Peter Coughter's stomach is preparing itself for greatness.
Do not doubt the brain is told of the stomach's plans.
Do not doubt the gastric juices are being held in abeyance, waiting for release.
Here is my advice:
Eat breakfast.
Eat breakfast early.
As soon as you are awake go to the kitchen & drink coffee, drink water & eat 2 eggs, scrambled.
Move your bowels.
Only then are you prepared for professional Brunswick Stew eating.
If you do not stretch your stomach with breakfast, forget it, you won’t have energy to eat.
If you don’t move your bowels early and fully in the morning a professional's portion of BS will cause you, uh, grief, in the middle of the day.
Rosie’s Pub's bathrooms, while adequate, are wildly over populated during BS fest.
Plus, you do not want to lose valuable time when the lines have not yet caught on to what the best stew is.
Take your wife...or reasonable facsimile.
Having beautiful women with you keeps you from being attacked by the mob when you get in line to buy 8 quarts of the winning stew EACH.
Do not kid yourself.
You are not going to make BS at home.
YOU MUST BUY A YEAR’S SUPPLY of BS tomorrow.
Freeze it.
It does not change.
Last year I brought home 18 quarts.
I was eating BS at home into the new year.
I bought 22 quarts.
I took pity on people who got none.
Plus I served it at school one day.
DO NOT HAVE PITY ON FOOLS WHO DO NOT BUY ENOUGH BS.
They are like people who ignore signs saying Do Not Skate on Thin Ice.
They deserve their fate.
Be strong.
Be mean if necessary.
(all the while remembering that mercy is of God)
I urge you to prepare.
I urge you to fight.
I believe you are strong & you will win.
Godspeed you.
P.S. Please remember to stock your freezers knowing
I intend to be in Richmond in little more than a month.
With a plastic spoon and unfathomable emptiness.
It’s midnight in your world.
Tomorrow, Saturday Nov. 4th, is the Brunswick Stew Festival in Richmond, VA.
Right now Peter Coughter's stomach is preparing itself for greatness.
Do not doubt the brain is told of the stomach's plans.
Do not doubt the gastric juices are being held in abeyance, waiting for release.
Here is my advice:
Eat breakfast.
Eat breakfast early.
As soon as you are awake go to the kitchen & drink coffee, drink water & eat 2 eggs, scrambled.
Move your bowels.
Only then are you prepared for professional Brunswick Stew eating.
If you do not stretch your stomach with breakfast, forget it, you won’t have energy to eat.
If you don’t move your bowels early and fully in the morning a professional's portion of BS will cause you, uh, grief, in the middle of the day.
Rosie’s Pub's bathrooms, while adequate, are wildly over populated during BS fest.
Plus, you do not want to lose valuable time when the lines have not yet caught on to what the best stew is.
Take your wife...or reasonable facsimile.
Having beautiful women with you keeps you from being attacked by the mob when you get in line to buy 8 quarts of the winning stew EACH.
Do not kid yourself.
You are not going to make BS at home.
YOU MUST BUY A YEAR’S SUPPLY of BS tomorrow.
Freeze it.
It does not change.
Last year I brought home 18 quarts.
I was eating BS at home into the new year.
I bought 22 quarts.
I took pity on people who got none.
Plus I served it at school one day.
DO NOT HAVE PITY ON FOOLS WHO DO NOT BUY ENOUGH BS.
They are like people who ignore signs saying Do Not Skate on Thin Ice.
They deserve their fate.
Be strong.
Be mean if necessary.
(all the while remembering that mercy is of God)
I urge you to prepare.
I urge you to fight.
I believe you are strong & you will win.
Godspeed you.
P.S. Please remember to stock your freezers knowing
I intend to be in Richmond in little more than a month.
With a plastic spoon and unfathomable emptiness.
7 Comments:
This should be read at 7:00 on Brunswick Stew Eve at the corner of 17th and Main (next to the ATM machine) each year.
Children will gather.
Grandparents will recall the memories of their first stew festival 5 years ago.
Local hens will be sent into increased production while their mates are stirred at a light boil.
And come 11:00 we march.
We are going to hit them from the left.
We are going to hit them from right.
And just when things are looking bleak and we don't think we can make it for one more run, we are going to go straight-up the gut.
It's how we do it in the Big Ten.
On to the stew.
When you're truly passionate about the product or service you're advertising, that passion will show itself. Fenske is passionate about The Stew. What makes him a superior writer is that he can also get passionate about, oh, ski slopes, and catheters (yes, I remember, Mark).
Unless the product is toxic and harmful, drink the product Kool-Aide, folks. It WILL show. Often, in shows.
Luke, Evan, and I are fresh from the fest. It was the perfect day for stew. We had our fair share, filling our stomachs to the brim, and having a reserve resting in our esophagus. And we pet a duck. Best event in Richmond.
Overrated.
Butch
Everyone's missed the point.
Sure the Brunswick Stew is a tickle of our taste buds—but it's Fenske talkin' here. So don't just think this is about stew.
The whole thing is a metaphor for life as an advertising creative. The stew is the "Great Work" we all aspire to one day produce. We come to adcenter or "THE BEST THING ABOUT RICHMOND, VA" to hopefully get stew. Night after night, we toil until the early morn eating eggs and moving our bowels in our trusty black workbooks. We come up with drivel that we hope represents who we think we are...and then we freeze it waiting for Fenske to come and see if it's as tasty unfrozen as we thought it was when we made it. He tastes of everyone's stew and tells only the people he truly likes or he truly loathes that their stew sucks. Then, he takes only the stew that tastes what he thinks stew should taste like with him back to Portland to freeze in his creative freezer that magically turns freezer burned stew into mouthwatering filet mignon.
I mean, C'mon Boyd, I thought that of all people, YOU'D see the TRUE meaning of this.
**stroking goatee**
It's...almost...too...easy.
Best writing I've seen from you, Patrick.
Frightfully misguided, but a good read, which, as you're likely discovering, is all people want.
B.S
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